A NEW BEGINNING?

It's time for a change and I need to show my real identity by making drastic changes to my life. No more being afraid what the next person will say or think about me. I have been slowlwly getting them used to my everyday look and it is working. Whilst I was in hospital recently, I walked around the ward with my pink toe nails and no one seemed to bother, not even the nurses or doctors. Lol. Whether the patients in the ward were too sick to notice, I wouldn't know. In 2004/2005 I had my ears pierced and for a while I wore earrings which were not unusually large but noticeable, until I lost one of them. Recently I decided to look for earrings again, as I was told to keep the piercings open, one should wear earrings more often. The only ones I could get that were a bit bigger than the ones I had. Yes hoop earrings so what? I don't care what you think, besides I'm not trying to look masculine or feminine for that matter. For those who want to know where I got them from: they are available at MrPrice for R20! Lol. I am told the Gateway branch has a much larger selection. So let's try these out, and get used to them. I really don't know why jewellery and clothing is catagorized into male and female? If want to wear hoop earrings, I will. For 17 years I have been doing accryllic nail tips, so what else is new? I pierced my ears way back in 2004, so this is not a new thing. It's progress!

LET'S GET 2022 STARTED EARLY

The past two years (2020/2021) have not been easy for millions of people, with this pandemic at large. Whether you beleve it or not, there is something out there causing the deaths of billions. Whether it's everyday influenza or some deady virus (manufactured in a lab somewhere), we should still take precautions as to our health. Here we are, wearing cloth masks and social distancing to slow down the spread of the pandemic. It should be said that wearing a cloth mask does not prevent one from becoming infected, neither does the vaccine. Recently it has been shown that people who recieved their shot still got infected. The best way to stay free from the virus is to avoid crowds and large gatherings, or to stay at home. One can now shop for groceries and meals online, that way you never have to step outside your front door as they get dellivered to you. As far as getting the vaccine it is your choice, like I said earlier the vaccine will not stop you from getting Covid19. With all the different brands of the Covid19 vaccine available, whih is the one that will work? Besides someone like myself who has health issues and is taking chronic medication for high blood pressure, gout, stage 2 diabetes and heart (stent in the artery), will I be putting my health at risk? I have decided not to take it after looking at the facts. When I had the stent put in my artery I was in hospital and had to be tested for Covid. The result came back negative. After my scare with the high pulse rate of my heart, I beleve I've been given a new lease on life. I need to get my personal sexual identity in order. I know who I am but I need to express my self more freely. I'm definitely leaning towards being Genferfluid. For those who don't understand, what does genderfluid mean? "Someone who is fluid -- also called gender fluid -- is a person whose gender identity (the gender they identify with most) is not fixed. It can change over time or from day-to-day. Fluid is a form of gender identity or gender expression, rather than a sexual orientation." Would that desdribe me? Just for the record I am gay, so that is one question answered. I suppose the next step would be "What pronouns would I use?

A LATE TRIBUTE TO THE LOCAL PIANIST, RODERICK PALMER.

Roderick Palmer was the resident pianist at Windermere Centre and entertained the shoppers every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday morning. He was very popular with the pensioners who used to sit and drink coffee at Fortunes Cafe whilst listening to his music. Roderick had a library of tunes in his head and often took requests. If he knew the song he would play it instantly for you. My favorite was his version of "A Whiter Shade of Pale" which he told me was based on a classical piece. At the drop of a hat, he even played Richard Clayderman. He will be sorely missed and the only pianist I know who could hold a lengthy conversation whilst playing a popular melody. Having known Roderick for a long time, I still miss his greeting every time he was seated at the piano. He knew just about everybody who shopped in the center by name and always had that "special tune" for you every time he saw you. My two songs were "Lily The Pink" and "A Whiter Shade of Pale", which Roderick played for me on request. Exactly a week after Roderick's passing I had a very strange experience whilst doing my laundry at Windermere Centre, I was busy removing my washing from the machine when I heard piano music. It was coming from my phone. I took the phone out of my pocket to see a video of Roderick playing "I just called to say I Love you" by Stevie Wonder. How was that possible? I've heard of these things before, but never experienced it. I had recorded a few videos of Rod's playing on my phone. Was this his way of saying his final goodbye? Roderick Palmer whoever takes over from you as resident pianist has very big shoes to fill. RIP my friend.

I'M BACK AND STILL ALIVE!

It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this blog. I know a lot of you probably think I met my maker or worse yet, sucummbed to Covid19. Well I'm happy to say none of that has happened and I am alive. I'm hoping to change the blog layout and design too, so any suggestioms would be welome. I need to start watching YouTube makeup videos too. What with this excessive locckdown we have been having and not being able to buy products. For six months we were banned from getting our nails done too! Can you believe that? Hair salons were not allowed to operate as well, something to do with social distancing. But here we are in August 2021, being forced to wear masks and life carries on. At least I can now dye my hair pink and get my nails done.

Welll this won't be the last post from me, I just wanted to tell you I'm still around and there is more to come!

DISCOVERING MYSELF 3

I'm on a mission. Before I can consider how I will live my life there are two things I have to  tackle first, one is to lose weight and secondly I must try and eliminate my gout. It's because of the gout that my feet are slightly swollen which prevents me from wearing my high heels and "other" shoes. So I have to start getting a diet together.
In my search for an identity, I will be venturing into uncharted territory as I would like to put it. On the 19th December I'm going to have some nail art done on my long nails. I know more or less what I want done so I will post the result here afterwards. I have developed a sudden intrest in nailart. Maybe this the next step towards my adrogony? The picture below is not of my nails but one I found on the web. I love the design and would like to have it done for pride next year. What do you think? Meantime I was thinking of using red instead of gold with silver stripes.

Actually the more I look at this pic, the more I like the colour and design. Maybe I'll even end up doing this on my next appointment at Woman's World. It's been decided, I'm doing my nails like the ones above. I'm so excited I can't wait! I spoke to my nail tech and it's going down on the 19th. This design is stunning and definitely something I would do!

Here's another photo by the same nail artist as above. I just love the color. Even though the photo is called "Halloween Nails" I just love it! Halloween may be over but one could do other designs on them.That color is something else. I know I've written more about my nails this time, but.I believe it is all part of my identity. You can take it or leave it coz I'm gay and I'm here to stay! 

DISCOVERING MYSELF Part 2

After the last post, and discussions with a few friends, I have decided for the time being just to be who I am and not to be who others want me to be. Why should I waste time and energy worrying what other people think of my femininity? I don't plan going anywhere or changing for those people. I am gay and I'm here to stay, so get over it. One of the first things I need to do is alter my dress code to something more unisex, as the trousers I wear don't fit my personae. I think it's the cut of the trousers, but first I have to lose a few kilos here and there before I embark on that journey. Nothing is impossible! My diet should probably change too as I suffer from gout and with my colon cancer the surgeon recently removed 75% of my colon. I'm still functioning as a normal human being, I need to get my health in order too.
My feet are a bit of mess too, all to to do with the effects of gout. My hair has always been long, but when I do drag I prefer using wigs. I always say "blondes have more fun", hehe. Below I attempted to wash a synthetic wig and for a first try it turned out fine.

One of my friends who is a hairdresser, is going to make me a new wig. Can't wait for that to happen. With me still going for my regular manicures and pedicures, I feel liberated. It is hard to believe that I have been going for manicures for over 12 years! Hopefully for 2017 I can look forward to new challenges. I really need to practice make-up. As they say practice makes perfect. Getting the right cosmetics is another ball game, luckily I know a few people who can give advice. Fortunately Youtube is overflowing with make-up tutorials for every occasion. I'll leave you with a latest picture of my nails....

DISCOVERING MYSELF

This is a sort of continuation of my previous blog post Coming Out of The Closet. Here I am going to tell you all why I'm doing what I'm doing at the moment so late in life. I may be 63 going on 64, but I still don't consider myself old by a long shot. When I was much younger, that is in my teens/twenties, coming out was taboo. I don't even think my parents even understood what the term gay/homosexual was, although they probably knew I was different from other kids. My mother always used to say that she loved me no matter what, which is pretty profound coming from a parent who had no clue that I was attracted to the same sex.

So let's start with my hair. I hate grey hair, it makes me look bald on top besides the hair on the sides still have their natural color, so tinting was in order. As for my nails, I've always had them long ever since our constitution protected my rights which was way back in the 1990's. In 2004 after my cancer diagnosis I sourced out Megan who has been doing my nails since then. I trust no one else. Now I'm getting pedicures done as well which are long overdue. Since may this year I started having my nails painted as I wanted to do something different, and nobody seems to be bothered or notice. But then I couldn't care less what they think! Every month I change the color with matching toenails. I feel liberated as though something has been set free from within myself. Doing drag is another way I set myself free. Two years running now I have donned a dress, wig and make-up for Durban Pride. I have to just practice my make-up skills though. I found a cosmetic shop that sells make-up at affordable prices and the staff are very helpful and friendly. I bought 3 lipsticks for R115 which is a good price, so I'm told.

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Ever since I was in my twenties, I have wished to be feminine as I was definitely not a masculine male but a shy, soft spoken individual who was creative and more interested in dressing up than in rugby. Did you know I could have been a ballet dancer? I showed an intrest when I used to go to my sister's ballet classes. Her teacher said I had potential, but that dream ended when my mother put an end to that by proclaiming that only girls do ballet! 

Would I have ever transitioned? Would I have ever changed sex? Although I have thought about this a lot since my youth. I have always wondered what people close to me would say. In my youth there were never the resources that are available today, you couldn't discuss this openly with your peers in those days. I must stress that I do not want to become another Caitlyn Jenner, I probably would reclassify myself. However at the moment no decision has been made as yet! Will keep you updated.